By the time I was 15 years old, my family had moved house 13 times. We had lived in three different states, at least six cities, and many houses. We lived in Arizona mostly, but also in Texas and California. I became fascinated by houses and their atmospheres and started out defining them by which ones were safe or where the safe places were in each house. This was based purely on how it made me feel. I became fascinated by houses and to this day I still have many dreams that occur inside of houses.
During 5th grade when walking home from school I would look at the houses along the way, making up stories about each one. The story would tell who lived inside and what living there would be like. I would add details about their day to day lives. In some houses there would be French toast for breakfast. In others there might not be any breakfast at all. Not every story was a happy one.
There was one house that was my favorite and the story I told myself regarded what my life would be like if I lived there. The house stood out because there was a garden gate leading to the back yard that you could see from the street. It was the closest thing to a moon gate there was in Douglas, Arizona at the time. Really it was just a wooden gate with a rounded arch above it* but to me it seemed mysterious and inviting. On some days if I thought no one was home I was brave enough to go up to the gate and peek over for a glimpse into the garden. I was looking for magic (divine intervention?) as my parents had just separated. My thought was if I could live in that house my life story would be very different. Little did I know I was onto something.
After 5th grade my parents reunited and we moved to another house – this time outside of Douglas about 1/4 mile from the border between the U.S. and Mexico. The house was run down and you could tell nobody had cared about it in a long time. It had several low, tin roofed outbuildings that were spooky; a hot darkness filled with old junk, rattlesnakes and despair. Everywhere you went on the property there were snakes, scorpions and horrible smelling trees. It was easy to imagine nasty things had happened there in the past. Some days migrating Mexicans the adults I knew called “wetbacks” would come traveling through the desert asking for water. I was never afraid of them – I was afraid for them. That same year some ranchers who owned many acres near our property captured and tortured some Mexican men not far from our house. Fear was in the air.
There were no safe places in that house. I don’t remember much about the interior except for the bedroom I shared with my sister. Close to the center of the room there was a big opening in the floor covered by a board. The board fit into the opening so it was flush with the floor. If you put a rug over it you might not know it was there. There was some storage space beneath – not a full basement. It was like a grave that could open at any time. Nights were the worst because I was always afraid some person who had been hiding in there would come up out of the opening while I was asleep. For me this idea was somehow related to the people coming across our land and asking for water. I had the impression people had actually hidden in the hole at some time.
My mother became very ill and nearly died when we were living in that house. When she was in the hospital my brother and sister and I were sent to stay with friends and neighbors. I forgot to go back to our house to feed my parakeet and it died. My experiences, emotions and my family matched up with the feelings and impressions I had of the house and property.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because you might have thought you don’t know or understand anything about Feng Shui. I’m saying you do in the sense that you know your own story.
You have already noticed feelings, emotions and patterns associated with your environment but perhaps you didn’t take the time to analyze them. If you are honest with yourself you will admit there are places in your house right now that don’t look, feel, taste, smell or sound right to you. This is telling you something about the ch’i in those spaces.
Maybe there are parts of your house where you just don’t want to go. Maybe there are parts of your house where it feels great to you. Think of the words you would use to describe either of those two situations regarding your own house. Writing them down would be a good idea.
Now take those words and see how they apply to your health, relationships, money, career, family, children… Take note of how the words describing your issues link up with the feelings about certain areas of your house.
If that doesn’t work for you try this: What areas of your house or yard are neglected? For example, if it’s the SW there may be something you are avoiding in your relationship with your mother. Or maybe you are a mother who is not taking care of herself. If your front door (related to the mouth) is difficult to open and close, what does it mean to you? Are you not saying things that need to be said? Lonely? Purposely keeping people away? Experiencing illness related to the mouth?
Practicing this kind of thinking will reveal things you are capable of changing if you want to. As a Feng Shui consultant I can help you. What is your story? If you don’t like it you can change it by making different choices. Why would you wait?
*While writing this realized I tried to re-create this gate for a fenced garden in 2000.
